Not Just a Mom: Reclaiming Your Identity This Mother’s Day
- Melissa Abbott
- May 8
- 4 min read
By Melissa Abbott, LPC
As a therapist and a mom, I know firsthand how easy it is to lose sight of who you are beneath all the roles you carry. You’re the comforter, the scheduler, the snack-maker, the driver, the protector, ultimately the glue that holds everything together. With Mother’s Day right around the corner, you might be reminded how much you give—yet how rarely you get the chance to simply be you.
Many women I work with come into therapy feeling stretched thin and unsure where their identity ends and their roles begin. Somewhere along the way, being a good mom and partner became a full-time job that edged out room for anything else.
But here’s the truth: you are not just a mom or a wife, you’re a whole, evolving person. You are allowed to want more: more rest, more purpose, and more connection with the parts of yourself that got buried under "shoulds."
What Does It Actually Look Like to Reclaim Yourself?
Sometimes conversations about “self-discovery” or “empowerment” feel abstract, like something for a future version of you who has more time, energy, or childcare. But the truth is, reclaiming your identity doesn’t require a major overhaul. It can start with small, intentional shifts that remind you that you matter too.
Here are grounded, doable ways to reconnect with your identity outside of motherhood, rooted in wisdom from some of today’s most powerful voices in women’s mental health.
Stop Asking for Permission to Take Up Space
Tara Mohr an expert in women's leadership and wellbeing, says that many women have been conditioned to wait, to feel qualified, invited, or validated before stepping into who they are. But your interests, ideas, and feelings are valid even if no one else claps for them.
Try this: Write a list of things you've been “waiting to do.” Pick one to try this week, even if it’s imperfect, small, or just for you.
Take 5 Minutes to Listen to You
Dr. Shefali Tsabary a clinical psychologist, teaches that we’ve internalized scripts about how to be a “good woman” or “good mom,” often at the expense of our inner truth.
Try this: Set a timer for 5 minutes. Sit quietly. Ask yourself, What do I need right now? What do I want? Don’t judge the answer. Just listen. Do this daily if you can.
Carve Out an “Untamed Hour”
Glennon Doyle a well-known author and activist, talks about how we abandon ourselves to keep the peace, until one day we realize we don’t know who we are anymore.
Try this: One hour a week, do something that has nothing to do with your kids, partner, or to-do list. Read a novel, go for a solo walk, listen to music from your teens, take yourself to coffee. No multitasking allowed.
Name the Old You—and Let Her Go
Dr. Thema Bryant a psychologist and professor, talks about “homecoming," the return to yourself after years of emotional disconnection. It's the process of peeling back the layers you've built to survive, and gently rediscovering the parts of you that were silenced, forgotten, or abandoned.
Try this: Journal about a version of yourself that you've outgrown—perhaps she was the people-pleaser, the perfectionist, or the martyr. Write her a letter. Thank her for all she did. Then gently let her know: it's time for you to take a new path.
Don’t Wait to Feel Ready
Mel Robbins author and former lawyer, is known for saying, “You’re never going to feel like it.” Waiting until you feel confident, energized, or certain is a trap.
Try this: Choose one small thing you’ve been putting off—writing, applying, creating, reaching out—and use her “5 Second Rule”: Count down from 5 and then do it. No overthinking. Action first, courage second.
Get Your Pink Back
In her Get Your Pink Back movement, Lindsey Gurk social media influencer, content creator, and entrepreneur, talks about how motherhood can slowly drain a woman’s color, leaving her living in gray tones of duty and exhaustion. “Getting your pink back” is about reclaiming the fun, fierce, feminine parts of yourself, the parts that used to laugh loud, dream big, or throw on lip gloss just because.
You don’t have to become who you were before kids. You just don’t have to stay invisible, voiceless, or numb.
Try this: Ask: What’s one colorful thing I used to do just for me? Then do it. Dance in the kitchen. Paint your toes. Blast a song from high school. You don’t need a reason—just the reminder that you’re still in there.
This Mother’s Day, Choose You
This year, while you’re celebrated for all you give, I hope you also celebrate all you are. Not just as a mom or partner, but as a person with curiosity, wisdom, voice, and depth. Your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a whole one. And you deserve to know her again, too.
If you’ve been waiting for a sign to reconnect with yourself—to reclaim joy, rest, creativity, or simply listen to the sound of your own thoughts—let this be your invitation. Remember you are allowed to be both a devoted mother and a fully expressed human being. Your identity is not a luxury; it’s the foundation from which everything else flows. So take up space. Take a breath. Take one small step back home to yourself.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms—you are seen, you are valued, and you are so much more than the roles you fill!
Resources:
Dr. Shefali Tsabary:
Glennon Doyle
Dr. Thema Bryant
Tara Mohr
Mel Robbins
